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| The Spanko Bandit Mia B mia.angel (at) ymail (dot) com Category: Child
Authors note: I'm new here. My mother tongue is Spanish but I'm learning English :) My Mumzy and Daddy help me a lot so I have been learning a lot though still I'm not so good but I'm trying so because of that I wrote a story LOL for the contest. I might get the last place but at least I'll know i did it hehe so here it goes. My story is called THE SPANKO BANDIT :) please be patient I'm still not so good writting in English but I do my best :) Late at half past midnight a LITTLE GIRL PLAYS in silence with her dollies and pretends there’s a spanker out there in the streets to whom she calls THE SPANKO BANDIT. Spanking little girls like her. Imagines the SPANKO BANDIT is a guy of 16 years old. “TOO OLD” She thinks. White, blue eyes, thin but not so thin with a really strong arm. Of course she has to resign to play with Mr. Sugar Tail (her stuffed bunny friend) to be the bandit as her only male doll has his right arm broken. Puts all her dollies bummy naked in a row pretending the Spanko Bandit kidnapped them and says moving Mr Sugar Tail as if he’s who’s talking: -“NOW girls what do you have to say to make ME SPARE YOUR BUMMIES? HAHAHAHA ::EVIL GRIN::” -“OH NO MR SPANKO BANDIT, please don’t spank us OUR BUMMIES ARE TENDER AND DELICATE. THEY CAN BROKEN” says using a little voice Back to a “deep” voice but at the same time like whispering, which for who ever listens to her tiny voice would think has everything but deep. -“HAHAHA THAT ISN’T A REASON FOR ME, I’M THE SPANKO BANDIT AND I’M GOING TO SPANK YOU HARD HAHAHAHAHA” takes Mr Sugar Tail’s arm smacks with it the bare bummies of her dolls ::smack:: ::smack:: ::smack:: “I LOVE SPANKING GIRLS HAHAHAHA” SMACK!!! O_O -“That wasn’t me…” thinks to herself. Stops playing and listens carefully ::SMACK:: -“definitely that’s not me” shivers. The sound comes from her parents room. O_O ::SMACK:: ::SMACK:: ::SMACK:: The little girl soon guesses what may be happening. She thinks her parents might be playing as they always do at nights sometimes when they think she’s asleep. And they do weird noises. She always thinks they might be jumping on the bed. That can be funny, and also that can be the reason why they heard like if their breathing goes faster and faster. ::SMACK:: ::SMACK:: ::SMACK:: But then she hears her mommy crying… and worries she might be hurt “what if she fell, what if she hit herself while playing with Daddy” She runs to help her mommy. Grabs the door knob opens the door and finds out something which leaves her with her mouth and eyes wide open It’s not a boy of 16 years old it’s HER DADDY… HER DADDY IS THE REAL SPANKO BANDIT… Her mom was lying over daddy’s knee, bare red bottom, sobbing while her Daddy, her lovely Daddy was spanking her mommy… As she looks the scene her Daddy just says: “YOU ARE IN SERIOUS PROBLEMS YOUNG LADY!!! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING. GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM. NOW!!!” Astonish knowing her Daddy was the SPANKO BANDIT runs back towards her room but a small smile is drawn in her face as she lies on her bed. |
| Readers
Comments: |
| CK:
CrimsnKid6 (at) aol (dot) com While some of the wording in this story is a bit awkward, I had no trouble understanding it overall; it's a fine effort considering that English is the author's second language. The writing style is quite unusual, somewhat like a screenplay rather than a standard prose narrative, but that's not necessarily a negative as it's still understandable. If this were a RL situation I'd be seriously worried about the little girl. She was already eroticizing spankings via her "Spanko Bandit" fantasy play with her toys, then she witnessed her father spanking her mother as sexual foreplay and identified him as her fantasy "Spanko Bandit," a concept that will almost certainly be reinforced when he spanks her for abruptly entering the master bedroom–and she's apparently even looking forward to that paternal paddling. Ummmm…Spankophile Electra complex, anyone? (While it may not be possible with limited housing space to keep young children from overhearing some evidence of parental lovemaking, in RL I'd guess it's best not to include spanking activity–something they often can readily identify–in the mix when the kids may be listening in.) Happily, fantasy isn't reality so the reader doesn't have to concern him/herself with potential psychological problems, rather he/she can enjoy this child-centered narrative as a sweet, playful exposition of a little girl's innocently amusing spanking-oriented imagination. It's quite well done (despite the minor langauage issues) as that type of a story. However, I will indulge my primarily F/M orientation and suggest that Daddy really deserves the impending spanking since (presuming he's in charge) he neglected to lock the bedroom door and should have anticipated that the noise of an erotic spanking might attract his daughter's attention. As many highly embarrassed parents (vanilla or spankophile) have discovered, mere parental prohibition doesn't necessarily override childish curiosity when the kids start wondering about those sounds coming from behind the bedroom door. Which the author has demonstrated here… |
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Alex: alexbirch (at) blueyonder (dot) co (dot) uk An intriguing idea of a little girl with a vivid imagination who suddenly comes face to face with reality..and is she scared? Well you'll have to read the story to find out. Although stories told in kiddy speak are not really my thing, I can see why the device was used here, reasonably successfully. A child's imagination becomes something else. A good effort. |
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Kris: worsci (at) webtv (dot) net This was an imaginative little entertainment in spite of grammatical flaws. |
| Hal:
janhaltn (at) gmail (dot) com The writer of this story did not seem to have any problems with the language. It was easy to follow and understand. This story did not have a smooth flow to it, but that did not harm the story. I wonder over the years, how many parents have been over heard by one of their children while playing with our favorite toys. I have a feeling before this contest is over that this story will not come in last place. I hope that this member will continue to write for us. |