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| Zero Tolerance Abel abel1234 (at) hotmail (dot) com Category: Coming of Age
(c) Abel Jenkins 2008 It finished as it had started, with best friends cuddling in their shared study bedroom. Only it ended in tears, having begun with such glee. Castleton was strict. Many argued that that was its strength, the discipline leading the girls to behave so impeccably, to attain such excellence in the classroom and on the games field. If a new girl dared to hope that the crook-handled cane hanging next to the blackboard in each classroom was merely for show, her first taste of its biting cut would certainly correct her misapprehension. Not that the masters chastised indiscriminately: only particularly poor behaviour would find a girl called to the front, to hold out her hands as the rattan scored its mark. But few were the fortunate pupils who escaped unpunished. "So let's break the canes," Emily had proposed, in that ill-placed moment of bravado. "You're not serious? Surely?" But she had been, and so Alice had joined her – the unlikely rebels darting between classrooms, under cover of darkness, hearts pounding. The rods snapped suprisingly easily, the fragments left under their scrawled chalk message: "Revolution!" The Headmaster had been furious at that morning's assembly. Those responsible would be caught and soundly punished: would the misguided 'revolutionaries' care to own up? They hadn't, and had listened aghast as he'd announced his plan. The canes had already been replaced, and would be used to punish any infringements of school rules, any shortfall in standards, until the culprits had come forward. A late assignment, a test mark deemed too low? Standing up too late as a master entered the room? A tie tied too loosely, shoes scuffed not shining? Whatever the reason, zero tolerance was the new mantra: even girls who'd escaped punishment in the past found their trembling hands tasting the cane for the first time that morning. They'd had to own up, of course. Knocked at the Headmaster's office; been told by his secretary that he was busy. Nervously left a message acknowledging their guilt. Returned to their classes, to wait the inevitable – and to dread what it might actually be. The walk to the front of the hall, during the special assembly at the end of the school day - watched in knowing sympathy by their compatriots - had been the longest of their lives, and yet far too short. They'd climbed the stairs, listened as he passed sentence. Twelve strokes each on the bare – not that their light summer dresses would have offered much protection. Alice, to the right of the stage, touching her toes for the Headmaster. Emily to the left, as the Deputy Head picked up his cane. Twelve strokes. Delivered slowly, in unison, canes raised high, the audience biting their lips as the rods descended, striped, as the girls struggled to hold their position, to count (quietly, tearfully). And then they were walking back to their places in the crowd, the Headmaster's final admonishments ringing in the punished girls' ears as the pain seared across their backsides. |
| Readers
Comments: |
| Alex:
alexbirch (at) blueyonder (dot) co (dot) uk The story is beautifully written, grammatically, and the author's style is very easy on the critical eye. In terms of the story itself, though, I think this one falls a little short. The plot is rather familiar and I feel that the ultimate denouement loses a lot of sting (sorry!) because it is announced 2 paragraphs from the end. I hate it when people rewrite my stories too but I feel it would have carried more impact if, maybe (without spoiling the story for others) the girls had been made aware that punishment would be severe but maybe the total shock left to the end |
| CK:
CrimsnKid6 (at) aol (dot) com This is the kind of event that both well-punished participants will probably find themselves laughing about at school reunions, and that they'll likely share with their own daughters when those girls are disciplined at school: "Back when I went to Castleton we were caned on our bare bottoms for misbehavior, I remember that one time…" The connection between the story's beginning, the girls gleefully plotting their prank together, and its ending, the girls consoling each other after being soundly and embarrassingly disciplined for it, was a nice touch. The heroines are shown as mischief-makers with an admirable sense of personal responsibility in that they refused to allow their innocent schoolmates to be punished (via much sticter schoolwide punitive standards) for their protesting spree. I'd even think that the headmaster and his deputy, while publicly doling out the discipline on the offenders' naked nates, might have secretly admired their victims' integrity, not to mention their sheer cheek–and girlish cheeks, of course. The plotline is pretty straightforward, reminding me of a Dostoyevsky title (CRIME AND PUNISHMENT), but it's effectively rendered within this short story. |
| Jess:
peaceluvnbooks (at) clovermail (dot) net The detail in this story is done very well. I also liked the glimpses we got into the thoughts of young girls. For example, that new students might believe the cane is just for show until they feel its bite themselves. This story seemed somewhat devoid of emotion. I think it had the potential to become a great tale, but it didn't quite unfold that way because we weren't given enough character feedback to feel drawn too. It was a fabulous setup with a strict school and two young girls daring enough to break the classroom canes, but there was little excitement in the story. It was written in such a way that the narrator seemed detached from the events. The caning scene itself had some great elements. The author created a nice word picture as he/she described how the audience bit their lips and the girls counted tearfully as they struggled to hold position. Lastly, I thought the first few lines made for a fabulous intro that caught my interest instantly. They were sweet and almost poetic sounding. |
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Domino: domino at Domin-o (dot) org (dot) uk The plot is not unique of course, but the delivery had a vitality and freshness to it which let me feel I was in the school hall that day, experiencing all the varying emotions of any other girl there present : relief that it was not I on the receiving end of that humiliating punishment, gratification that the girls who had caused me to feel the cane on my palm earlier were getting their comeuppance, fear that anything could happen in the future… A really brilliant story |